I considered suicide after 2008 Champions League penalty miss – Chelsea legend John Terry

By Emmanuel Okogba

Chelsea legend John Terry has revealed that he struggled deeply with his mental health after missing a crucial penalty in the 2008 UEFA Champions League final.

The former England defender slipped while taking what could have been the decisive spot-kick against Manchester United, striking the post as Chelsea went on to lose the shootout at Moscow’s Luzhniki Stadium.

Now 45, Terry has admitted that the aftermath of the defeat was one of the darkest periods of his life, revealing that he had suicidal thoughts while alone in the team’s hotel following the game, before teammates intervened and supported him.

Speaking on Reece Mennie’s podcast, Terry said he wished he had spoken to someone at the time. He recalled returning to the hotel after the final and standing alone, overwhelmed by emotion and disbelief over what had happened.

“I remember after the game we all went back to the hotel. I was on the 25th floor in Moscow, just looking out the window and asking myself, ‘Why? Why?’” he said.

“I’m not saying I would have jumped, but those thoughts do go through your head at moments like that.”

Terry explained that teammates eventually came to check on him and took him away from the room, an intervention he now recognises as vital.

“It’s those ‘what if?’ moments,” he added. “You just never know.”

The emotional toll lingered long after the final. Terry described how difficult it was to join up with the England squad just days later, particularly having to sit across from Manchester United players following the defeat.

He also recalled scoring for England against the United States shortly afterwards, a moment that brought mixed emotions. “I remember thinking, ‘Why couldn’t I just swap that goal for that penalty?’” he said.

Although the pain has eased with time, Terry admitted it has never fully disappeared. He explained that during his playing career he was able to push the memory aside by focusing on the next match, but retirement has brought those emotions back to the surface.

“Now I’m retired and don’t have that weekly focus or the buzz of playing in front of supporters, it hits me more,” he said. “I still wake up in the middle of the night and remember it happened. I don’t think it will ever completely go away.”

Four years later, Terry finally achieved Champions League redemption when Chelsea defeated Bayern Munich on penalties in the 2012 final. Although suspended for the match after his red card against Barcelona in the semi-finals, he was part of the squad that lifted the club’s first European Cup, bringing a measure of closure to a painful chapter in his career.

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