The power of platforms, by Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

I have been following the recent promotional work announcing the completion of the Obama Presidential Center (OPC) in Chicago. In the early days of the project, it was believed that President Barack Obama and Michelle Obama were building a Presidential Library, which is a standard project for former Presidents in the United States. It turns out that the vision of the OPC is much bigger than that.

It will indeed house a public library, but the 19-acrecenter also includes a museum, sporting facilities, outdoor spaces, gardens, and other exciting features. Since they left public office in January 2017, the Obamas have devoted themselves to public speaking, writing, mentoring, teaching, and mobilising resources for various social justice causes.They have turned their experiences and privilege into one of the most powerful examples of how to use an important platform.

Here in Nigeria, recently, a number of stories have dominated the headlines, both online and offline. There is the sermon that was given by Pastor Peace Ibiyeomie of Salvation Ministries, Rivers State, about married women shunning divorcees as friends. Then we heard about the ‘King of Malice’ Frank Edoho, former host of the reality show ‘Who wants to be a millionaire?’ and what happened with him and his second wife. I watched the riveting Honest Bunch Podcast that featured Chidera Eggurue, ‘Pharaoh,’ Daddy Freeze and other participants. These are all separate events, but they are about the use of platforms.

Let me start with Pastor Peace Ibiyeomie’s sermon. In her Mother’s Day address at her church, she asserted that divorced women should be avoided. She asked her congregation (which I am sure also includes divorced women or their relatives) to either advise the divorced women in their circles to reconcile with their husbands or remarry. According to her, divorced women always end up with another man, usually someone else’s husband. She then proceeded to lay curses on all ‘side chicks’ who snatch the husbands of others.This is not the first time a religious leader will use the pulpit to say something controversial and divisive. However, the Christian faith teaches us empathy, non-judgement, compassion, wisdom, and the value of a still tongue. There are so many reasons why marriages fail, no one should judge what someone else has gone through. These decisions are not usually made lightly, they are deeply personal and context specific. It is therefore not appropriate to use a position of trust and leadership to champion the wholesale condemnation of women who have made certain choices, whether we agree with them or not. As for the cursing of the side chicks, I wonder why there was no venom aimed at the men who actively seek, nurture, and invest in the armies of available side chicks. Surely, there is no business if there are only sellers and no buyers? It is also interesting to note that while there were curses available for side-chicks, there were none for ‘side cocks.’ I suppose this is because patriarchy rules the world and ‘side chicks’ are part of the architecture. 

This is where the story of the ‘King of Malice’ comes in. Frank Edoho granted an interview once, in which he proudly declared himself the ‘King of Malice,’ and that he would always ‘punish’ his wife by keeping malice with her. Note the use of the word ‘punish’ for an adult female, the same you would use for a bothersome child. There are many men who will tell you ‘I never beat my wife. If I am angry, I will just stop talking to her or refuse to eat her food.’It was shocking to hear a public figure confirm the ways in which he abused his wife emotionally and psychologically. Well, the ‘King of Malice’ lost his Queen, because his malice drove her into the arms of an available ‘side cock.’ Surprisingly, the usual backlash that would be expected to drown the Queen has been aimed at the King, with people asking, ‘What did you expect?’ In a world where men believe that everything evolves around them and that the women in their lives are children who can be chastised into conformity or clay forcefully moulded into a specific object, occasional rude shocks should be expected.

This leads me to the conversations on the Honest Bunch Podcast. There were six guests on this show, but the most fascinating, in my opinion, was Chidera Eggurue, (also known as Slumfower). She was amazing, with the way she calmy made her case, pointedly and firmly checked the constant interruptions from other guests, and shared insights that challenged their mindsets.It was a brilliant way to use a platform. Expressing unpopular views when you are in the minority and cooly brushing off attempts to minimise your contributions, is an art. I do not agree with all the things she said. For example, I respect her right to call herself a Misandrist (someone who hates men) but being a Misandrist is not the same as being a Feminist. A Feminist is not a Misandrist, and a Misandrist is not necessarily a Feminist. One of the male guests who seems to be known as ‘Pharaoh’ called Feminism in Nigeria a joke and declared that if Nigerian men decide that they want to take Nigerian women back to centuries ago, there is nothing they can do about it. According to him, Nigerian women continue to make progress because ‘men allow it.’ That was frightening to hear, even within the context of a gender debate. 

These three separate but connected stories are about the use of platforms for various agendas. With leadership comes the multi-layered responsibility of embodying values that promote dignity, respect, and inclusion. Platforms that leaders occupy can be used to promote peace, understanding and unity, like the Obamas have been doing. As we have seen from examples at home and abroad, leaders also use their platforms to encourage hate, discrimination, bigotry, and chaos. Granted, some platforms are more influential than others, but whether large or small, the principles are the same. People seek inspiration, knowledge and community among other things, and the platforms we occupy are spaces that should greatly aid, not hinder that quest. What I observed from the platforms I mentioned was a call for the erosion of women’s solidarity under the cover of religious righteousness, an example of male behaviour that has been consistently glorified, till it met a rather sad end, and the need to constantly engage in conversations that aim to teach rather than dehumanize. 

Since I am a Feminist, am I open to sharing my husband with other women in the name of sisterhood? Of course I am not. This is however not the same thing as standing with other women who make choices about their marriages. Do I agree that women should cheat when they are cheated on or have a ‘King of Malice’ in their lives? No. Vows should be respected by all parties. We should however stop using various platforms to give men a free pass. The next time a man tells you, ‘It is a man’s world,’ tell him to live in it all by himself.To me, Feminism is not a joke. It is about dignity, respect,and informed choice. It is about a society that places value on men and women alike, with access to the same benefits andopportunities. It is about a world in which no one is ostracized or stoned for opting out of a marriage, a world in which spouses treat each other like full human beings and respectfully disengage if this is no longer possible, and a state of affairs where ideas can be debated in ways that do not diminish the humanity of the next person. Parent, president, pastor, politician, teacher, podcaster, entrepreneur, blogger, writer – everyone has a platform. What are you using your platform for? Congratulations to the Obamas, I can’t wait to visit the center.

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