Men should learn to look the other way as wives reach for the wallet!

By Bunmi Sofola

WHAT I can’t really stand, said Biliki, “Is people running down successful women.  A woman makes a little money, they say it goes into her head.  What these critics do not know is that male tyranny stems from the financial power they have. Sadly, a lot of men have had the power rug pulled from under their feet, no thanks to the current economic crunch that’s robbed them of a chunk of their incomes.  Suddenly, they’ve learnt to look the other way as their wives reach out for their wallets.

“I thank my stars that I’ll never be totally dependent on any man.  My husband and I share most household chores and he helps in his own way in the house.  If I pray the rent this month, for instance, I might talk a little louder that month, get mad a little more than often, or don’t give him sex if I really don’t want to.  The more things I do, the more privileges I take!”

Biliki is a laboratory assistant with a pharmaceutical company.  She trained and got married abroad.  She’s been married for 12 years and has two children aged ten and eight.  Childbirth didn’t come easy to her, and if her kids hadn’t been born in the States under the best medical care, she might still be childless by now.

“Nothing comes easy to me,” she explained, “and my marriage is not exactly a hot-bed of passion, but I get by.  I am a survivor.  There’d been talks about my husband having kids by another woman, but he denied it.  Even if it were true, that is his problem, not mine.  I can look after myself.  It is a sad that most women these days put themselves in a position where someone else is taking care of them.  It is like being a kid.  My mum and dad could tell me what to do when they were providing all my necessities.  And my man can, of course, tell me what to do at the point when he’s providing my necessities and I am not doing a damn thing for myself.  I will do, maybe not gladly, but I will do whatever he tells me to do”.

Explaining the current slight shift in responsibility between husband and wife, a psychologist said that most couples today realise that the only way they can afford all mod cons in the house and the children’s expenses is for the woman to work.  And many women, having found fulfilment and self-esteem in their careers, are making work one of their priorities.

Armed with new found professional and economic independence, women, naturally, resist having to do all the house-work.  Having gained some rights in the world at large, they are less willing to be powerful in their own house.  That is all it may be, but what is the general view amongst men on the issue?  Albert, an aggressive go-getter who has a small, but thriving advertising company, told me testily that “in the final analysis, someone’s got to be on top.  Sooner or later, it’s time to make that decision that the two of you don’t agree on and can’t compromise on.  You can either walk away from your problems or you can fight.  I may not want to walk away from my wife and I sure don’t want to fight with her. But I want her to realize that if we fight, I will win.  I am the man, I’ve got to be on top!”

Basil, a 40-year-old oil company senior executive, had a mischievous twinkle in his eyes when he concluded that: “I like assertive, and hand-slapping women.  I am going to be in charge of my relationship but an assertive independent woman is the only kind that can help me get where I’m going.  She is going to give me all kinds of trouble trying to wear my pants, but she’s not going to wear my pants!”

Sina is 48, and a father of four.  He runs his own business and confessed that, but for his wife’s salary, he wouldn’t have been able to cope.  “But I don’t let that cloud my sense of asserting my authority in the house.  Take last week for instance, I came in late from work and didn’t like what I saw. 

“My wife looked too contented as she hummed under her breath preparing diner.  The kids gave me a causal ‘hello daddy’, and went on with their video games.  I’d had a rough day and the current traffic chaos in Lagos had stretched my patience.

“First, I kicked the cat my 12-year-old daughter insisted on keeping against my wish and the poor thing scurried off with a hostile miaow.  ‘Why don’t you get the blasted cat out of my way as I instructed.’  I yelled at my wife.  ‘And look at the state of the house.  Look how scruffy the kids are.  And don’t tell me we are eating beans again.  We had beans last week or are we poverty striken now?’ 

“On and on, I went criticizing everybody until my wife’s patience snapped.  She threw down the wooden spoon she was stirring the beans with and, in no time at all, we were having an almighty argument.  The kids rushed to their rooms and I made a show of marching angrily into mine slamming the door for good effect.  As soon as I was done, I laughed.  Now, everybody is on their toes.  When a husband feels the household is taking him for granted, he should reassert his authority by stirring things up a bit.”

But, can’t husband and wife sort of strike a compromise as to who wears the pants?  In other words, can’t husbands lend their wives their pants once in a while, knowing they (the husbands) can always have their pants back if and when they are needed?

Personally, I think it’s about time married couples stopped their power tussle.  We’re now decades into the millennium for goodness sake.  Who cares if it’s the man or the woman that kills the snake as long as the snake is dead!

The post Men should learn to look the other way as wives reach for the wallet! appeared first on Vanguard News.