Facts your son needs to know about handling a woman

By Bunmi Sofola

As  enlightened as the society is and with information technology at the finger tips of almost every-one, parents still find it difficult to discuss sex with their adult children, and most youths don’t have that much clue as to what is right and what is wrong.  So, from the etiquette of the first date to how to dump a girl ‘nicely’ here is every-thing you need to know about how the opposite sex should treat a woman – and be treated by a woman.

It is impossible to ‘Just be friends’ after you break up with a girl.  Any girl who claims she wants to do this is a coward or a liar.  She just can’t handle the guilt of dumping you and wants to do it by stages.  She is probably hoping she can keep you on the ‘maybe’ pile for a while, in case her new bloke or her spell of being single and fancy free, doesn’t work out, and she finds herself at a lose end on a Saturday night.  If an ex girlfriend says ‘let’s be friends’ go out with your real friends and delete her number from your phone – immediately.

Be nice to your sisters.  In my experience, the men who have the most success with women tend to have sisters.  They are the ones who ‘get’ women.  The biggest flirts are usually brothers with lots of sisters – no matter how ordinary-looking they are.  So practise your toasting skills on your sisters!  If you don’t have any, adopt one or two!

One fact you need to urgently get used to is that girls like to shop.  If you don’t like it, don’t tag along.  Don’t insist on joining your girlfriend because you have a few bits and pieces to pick up from the shops, only for you to stand around, huffing and puffing outside changing rooms and bleating as if she’s ruined your life.  The nurturing predator’s lust for a bargain is wired into the female DNA, so let her hunt.  And if she doesn’t broadcast the cost of things, don’t ask, especially if it’s her money she’s spending.

Girls have these things called hormones.  Men have them too but girls’ ones are different.  When you live with a woman, once a month, it may seem as if you can do nothing right.  That is because you can’t.  Girls’ reaction to normal life events can be excessive and skewed, but it is your job to pretend not to notice and take the blame any way.  Do it quietly.  Never argue, and don’t for God’s sake ever ask: “Are your hormones playing up again?” when you are being screamed at.  Your girl knows she’s being irrational, just let her make it up to you in her own way.  Normally, this tactic pays very-good dividends.

Now the big question:  Who pays?  This is tricky, but if you’ve followed the advice given so far and have gotten yourself a nice, bright, independent girl, with a decent dose of self-worth, you should be ok.  On a first date, yes, you should pay.  Particularly if you’ve invited her out, and you really like her.  Second date, she should return the favour or you should split the bill.  A girl who expects you to pay for every-thing on every-date is not worthy of you.

But what if you earn much more than she does?  You need to agree with her what she can chip in from time to time.  You’re not her personal ATM!  Bathroom habits could also be a problem.  An upturned toilet seat isn’t that much of a big deal to be honest.  But what happens to an inconsiderate man that leaves the seat all wet?  It’s no fun seating on toilet covered in wee.

Keep an eye on that girl that your mates label a geek.  The girl who seems to excel in maths and scales through all the exams might not know the latest dance steps, and thinks whiz kid is a magician’s name.  She is what is known as a slow-starter.  Accepted, the boys aren’t exactly falling over themselves to date her, but one day, she’s going to earn a lot of money, wear some beautiful clothes, drive a fantastic car and impress and entertain you enormously.  She’s going to be sexy eventually, believe me.  Get to know her now so you could reap the benefits later.

There comes a time in a relationship where breaking up is inevitable.  It is another one of life’s obstacles.  Sometimes relationships just reach their sell-by date.  Sometimes, you may meet someone you like more.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.  It is rare for someone to go through life and not experience the pain of being dumped or the discomfort of ending a relationship yourself.  How you navigate this minefield however will define you as a man.  Don’t cheat, or if there is an ‘overlap’ keep it very brief and discreet.  Tell her face-to-face but in a place from which you can escape easily in case she turns nasty.  And tell her the truth.  “You’re too good for me,” is cowardly, so is: “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Telling her:  “I don’t want to be your boyfriend any more, I’m not happy and I don’t like you enough” is harsh, but it does the trick.  Then avoid her.  She will get over you more quickly if she doesn’t see you and you will avoid painful, pleading 3 am calls.

Be a good time-keeper and do not accept bad time-keeping in others pleading ‘African Time’ is not a good enough excuse when you’ve been sitting in a restaurant or bar waiting for your date to arrive.  A girl who keeps you waiting for more than 15 minutes because she lost track of time, needs to be taught a lesson in manners, so leave immediately.  No one ‘loses track of time’ when they’re going to meet someone they really like.

Learn to cook-boiled rice or make a well prepared eba and simple meat stew will serve you well, just to prove a point you could throw something together when need be.  And never wear an apron.  No matter how much booze is consumed, the image of a man in a butcher’s apron, with a cooking spoon in hand, tends to get stuck in a girl’s mind.

Whatever you do, don’t let go of your male friends, girls like a popular guy, and a loyal one too.  A man’s night out without your girl friend now and then is entirely acceptable and healthy, and don’t let her nag you into thinking otherwise.  Just don’t come home with another woman’s phone number written on your hand.

And whatever you do, don’t pay too much attention to her friends.  You have no idea what trouble you’ll get into if you flirt with any of her friends.  So don’t do it. Ever.

Now and then, you will walk into a room and find out your girlfriend has fouled up the atmosphere.  Naturally, you’re going to ask what is wrong.  There will be two possible responses to this question – ‘Nothing’ or “I’m fine”.  You may, understandably take her at her words and assume there is indeed nothing wrong and she is in fact fine.  You could not be more wrong. 

These two words are actually openers in a game called: “Let’s Try To Guess What’s Wrong With Me,” and how you play this game, again, will define you as a man.  Do not refuse to play.  You should take the time to try to work out whatever it is you have done wrong, for you have surely done something.  Discreet probing is what is required, and most definitely, not a constant badgering for an answer.  Ring her best friend or closed colleague on the quiet, for surely, if someone has the full story on what a heartless, thoughtless, hopeless so-and-so you are, it is she.  

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